After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
