Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
