Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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