i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
