I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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