I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
