this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
