I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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