Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Even my vagina gasped.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
