lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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