please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
