Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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