I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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