have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
