why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
