the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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