Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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