she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
