come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
