Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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