she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
