Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
