I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
