I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
