The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
high people should be assigned attendants
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
