ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
