My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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