talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
PANTIES FOUND
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
