2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can i not drive my cunt home
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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