Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
