Who did Billy Mays play for?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
