Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my shit smells like andre
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
