So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
