i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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