I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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