Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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