Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
