i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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