and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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