He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
