After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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