I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
