I swear she didn't look like that last week.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
