Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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