The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
