you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
