the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
