I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
