you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
