We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
