i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
