it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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