Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
