exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have aggressive nipples.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
